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Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
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11:14 pm - Nostalgia
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A vague and distant memory that seeps into your core. Nudging, and knocking. Creeping slowly in your deepest entrenches. With vines that long for the root and feed on loneliness and sorrow..
She is the perfect thief that steals night. She is the perfect lie that evades all reason. She is the sweetest virgin that harbors bitterness from within. She is nobody's and yet she is somebody's biggest sin.
She knows nothing about what is. But what has been and what could be. And she badgers you relentlessly forging the future in her raw hands.
She was loved by him. And she loved him to the brim. She wanted him to stay. And he did for a while. Making her dreams worthwhile. Finding her joy, making her sigh.
He was her fulfillment. He was her anchor. He was her fear conquered. He was hers. He was hers.
And he walked away. turning his back. leaving a useless remain.
And she wailed in agony. And she breathed pain.
She sits by the cracked, glass window. Looking into people's souls. Nagging them to remember. Have they seen him? Will he be back?
She is tied to him, in dreams, in love, in fear, in utmost fulfillment. She will be nobody else's but his. He is her past. And she floats, and drowns in nostalgia.
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10:14 pm - Moving on to the next phrase
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I think it's been over a year since I wrote here. I'm not even sure if i could write anymore, been so used to making short plugs and such. But anyway here I am struggling to document my boring life. Well a lot has been happening actually but nothing that will interest you. I've learned a lot from working for a year and some months now and it's taught me lessons - the hard way.
So.. in the course of learning what i had to, i lost my passion, the creativity i had left, and the humor which I've tried to build for the longest time. I'm trying to regain the humor I've lost and I couldn't. because I just discovered that it has turned shadier, and more cynical than ever.
BUT. not to worry. It's not that I'm not happy. I actually am. Because I've found the humor I've lost in the person who I love the most [next to my mom of course.] He makes me laugh for the corniest reasons, and he cracks me up with the silliest things. He follows my train of thought and completes my unfinished phrase[s].
It still worries me sometimes that if it doesn't turn out fine, then thoughts would cease to flow, bells would cease to tinkle and.
Phrases would turn out incomplete.
But it should be better. right? because at least once in my life I met someone who is able to complete it for me.
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Sunday, July 13th, 2008
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3:43 am - Free-IQTest.net
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| Thursday, November 22nd, 2007
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9:05 pm
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so what's wrong with being a feeler?
i've asked that question for probably the nth time today and i can't seem to put my finger on the answer. a jesuit brother who was an ME graduate and a valedictorian in his batch at that even helped me figure it all out in my spiritual companioning earlier. if this could just be easily translated into figures then it wouldn't be so difficult for... him. i can't say it would be easy for me.
he said i was a thinker. and i even think that i am until today. when jason messed it all up declaring boldly to my face that i am a feeler. and i vehemently refused and i couldn't figure out why. he naturally gave his theories and presumptions by putting my personality on the table to be analyzed as if i weren't there.
what he said really bothered me. why would i be? coz im with him almost everyday and he then could know me almost inside out. but then. what's wrong with being a feeler?
bro wasn't satisfied with my answer. he had a comeback for what i said. i just said that feelings are unreliable you can't use them against anything. all arguments said from the vantage point of emotions are weak. they're as pointless as saying. "i just feel it or i just feel like doing so" what's there to talk about? what's there to point out?
in its weakness though there is strength to it. there is a conviction which a thinker's argument lacks. a thinker's argument could be changed as long as it is proven such and such which is more practical or logical. but a feeler's argument is closed with strong conviction.
so what is so wrong about it? im still in the process of figuring it out but somehow i have an inkling that it's about coming face to face to who i am. if i feel, then i know what hurts me, what would make me happy. then there would be an an attachment to things or people.
but then.. God speaks through emotions.. and bro thinks my spiritual growth is stunted because im resisting to this natural capacity of humans to feel. everything to me looks the same. ok lang. i don't care. whatever. there's no degree to anything, no value attached to anything.
it's just so confusing.
and finally my test says im a feeler over a thinker. but it's just a 1 point difference. but whatever. ok lang
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| Sunday, July 15th, 2007
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10:59 pm
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| Friday, June 1st, 2007
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5:33 pm - UPDATE after a loooong time
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boy was it a long time since i last updated ive probably forgotten now how to write. anyway lemme see..
there were a lot of things that had been going this year and the past year which tore me apart and patched me up all the same. although the pieces are glued there are still broken lines tracing the exterior from being torn over and over again.
urk. this isn't a dramathon entry but i think it's about to be. haha just kidding.
anyway it's 5:39 p.m. here right now, texas time and we just came home from orlando, florida. the last time ive been here was in the year 2000 and everything is so familiar but now with a different perspective. i don't know if ive been active and passive in looking at things i just know that some struck me and some didn't.
there are times when i wish that the philippines would be as developed as this country but then again there are times that i don't coz it just means speeding the ruin of the ozone layer. but really people here are disciplined minus all the modern technologies etc. the garbage is thrown in their proper bins, people respect the stop signs, the pedestrian. and one thing i also noticed from all the rest stops that we've been through to and fro florida was that the public restrooms are clean. unlike in the philippines wherein you expect them to be so filthy and gross with that sickening stench.
you could also walk in the streets at night and feel fairly safe with no worry of being held up or something.
(well actually i think that's for texas only. since this state is not so commercialized yet but i know is very rich in oil since this is Bush's state.
ahh yeah one more thing it's really funny how people have this notion that texas is still a cowboy-"infested" state. but really, it's not. WELL. the sheriff in the mall is on a horse and he wears a cowboy hat. but does that count? :P
and NO.. people here aren't wearing cowboy boots and saying howdy partner? or stick yer hands up in the air :P they talk normally with no accent of that kind. haha..)
my aunt told me that texas is just starting to get "dangerous" or well that's how i interpreted it. hehe. because in groceries you couldn't just leave your bag on the cart else someone will pick that up and snatch it. you'd have to carry it all the way. anndd.. just last night when we stopped for gas on the way home, there was this guy who was asking my uncle for cash and he had this story of his child being 6 months old, his car is stranded somewhere, his wife is blablablah... but my uncle didn't buy it of course.
but really with that kind of modus operandi, id give the philippines an award for the most creative and best actor/actresses. sad to say but we are really "developed" in that area.
im not putting the philippines down or anything but really it's kinda disappointing when you see the comparison.
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i also saw what was left of hurricane katrina in New Orleans known to be the sin city. and until now, the state seems to be dry and lonely, almost a ghost town. scary. the windows of houses have no glasses, houses are empty, trees are uprooted and some are dry which looked like long, huge and bony fingers.
on our way back to texas, we passed by the streets of New Orleans to taste this beignet (?) a french doughnut at this popular Cafe du Monde. and on our way there, the streets were lighted up, the music was blaring, people were in their bras and panties, having a toast, some were being carried for they were so drunk, men were cross dressing (with high heels and spags mind you) and were really very open about it. It was like Malate (my sister said) at its worst. (OR best to some) for me it was an endless alley of sin after doom and doom after sin.
and i suddenly remembered this verse in the Bible about the wages of sin being death.
oh well..
i wouldn't want to stay in New Orleans if ever i do stay here.
Cafe du Monde's beignet is like the local Julie's doughnut with white powdered sugar. and that was it. it costs a dollar and twenty nine and it was really so ordinary.. the place was urk. the floor was sticky. the tables were messy, the chairs were wet. but they said that people line up for that beignet so we would have to go there. another thing was the waitress was rude. actually... most people there are i think. they go puke in sidewalks, they cross the street without a care to motorists.
anyway..................
that was the ugly part but a memorable one nonetheless.
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we went to universal studios florida and the amusement park beside it which is island of adventures. island of adventures is more exciting but universal is more family friendly. :)
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| Saturday, November 11th, 2006
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11:10 am
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I need only 3 more hours of a boring lecture to be able to graduate from driving classes. The past week i felt that my mom is short of becoming a nervous wreck by chaperoning me during my driving lessons.
i would drive for an hour and when we get back to our subdivision she lets me drive the car and she would get all anxious, nervous and then steamed up. by the time we get to the house we're already annoyed at each other. she would scream that i didn't stop when i had to, i didn't change gears, i didn't avoid people, i could not manipulate the wheel and the list goes on.
oh well. but after 11 hours of driving during the day and during the night, i feel that my mother's screams have drilled themselves to my brain permanently. i could drive, i think, in highways already but someone should still accompany me. there was a time when i drove early morning with my instructor and two buses sandwiched me. they were running at a furious speed and i kind of panicked. if my instructor weren't there, i probably would have stepped on the gas pedal and moved my steering wheel which would cause the car to be banged against the 2 buses.
i think that if the drive would only be a 15 minute drive to a certain place, expect me to be there in an hour.
there was one session wherein the lesson was driving in hanging places. the road we drove in was very steep and i feel that the effort to move the car upwards in an uphill road was like extremely pushing my bowels. the footwork has to be quick else the car might run backwards or the engine could shut off or something. it was the most stressful lesson i've ever had and there were 2 people, my instructor and my grandmother, who were "hanging" on to their lives. maybe that's why the lesson is called hanging.
i asked jason if could drive his car and he said i could as long as i already have my driver's license. let's see what beating i could do to his car this time. i remembered destroying the handle of his car door from the inside with just a flick of the wrist. it cost him a whole lot and.. i felt a bit guilty but i know i wasn't that strong enough to destroy that. the car was weak and i just triggered it. (i guess) let's see how much it will cost him this time now that he allowed me to drive his car :) he he he. :)
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classes are about to start again and i feel like i haven't made the most out of my sembreak. i wasn't able to rest well and live that buhay baboy life. i was very busy with teaching and conversing with a korean mom for 3 hours everyday that after the session i feel very drained. there was no sembreak for me except during the week that the koreans had no classes. during that week i had driving lessons so i was still stressed. oh welll. oh wellll.....
i want to finish school already.........
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| Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
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11:24 pm
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i went to hilltop or something in antipolo a while ago and it was my first time to behold a breathtaking sight with someone dear to me.
i used to see sights like this with only family members during trips to tagaytay and wherever and although it was fun, i appreciated it more earlier even if i was blinded by the sun.
it's really funny the way things are happening. it's like a mockery of familiar local romantic comedy films. where the guy and the girl are so comfortable in each other's skin that they beat each other up but they can't resist each other all the same. it's downright corny and undeniably puke-worthy but it's kind of securing when you pattern your chapter to something written and you know how it will end.
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ive been tutoring a korean for 2 days in katipunan because i substituted a teacher who was on leave.
my student is a boy aged 16 who loves to play soccer and who loves to give me a hard time. haha just kidding. but seriously i feel like he's bullying me. yesterday, he kept on telling me he'd go to the washroom to "pupu" and he even asked for tissuessssss from me (which he would just probably throw unused). he kept on asking permission to go out, whether it be to drink, to "pupu" etc etc. the 2nd to the last time he asked permission, i followed him out just to see him talking to his roommate who is so obnoxious and arrogant as if he knew how to speak in straight english. the only thing that lacked from that scene where i caught him "red-handed" was me pulling him by the ear towards the classroom.
the last time he asked for permission i told him that i'd watch him "pupu" to make sure that he does. when i followed him to the men's room well.. of course i didn't follow him all the way in. i told him i was kidding and id be waiting for him downstairs so he should hurry up.
he followed a few mins after and told me the toilet was dirty. and he kept using "pupu" as an excuse".
he was just finding an excuse to go out the classroom because he was sleepy and i somehow feel obligated to tie him down on his chair and feed him english words. it's hard to scold him and discipline him because he doesn't know the gravity of his action. i want him to learn and i don't want him to go back to korea speaking in pidgin english.
oh well.. if he keeps on doing that.. ill still get paid anyways and he'd keep on talking in his tarzan language.
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| Sunday, October 1st, 2006
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3:56 pm
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i was struck with what my mom said last time about a person being a nobody. Being a nobody is probably why they weren't ready to hit things off since the end goal is to be with someone who is somebody. But now a person who was a nobody is now somebody, he/she is ready to face the person who is somebody.
:)
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ive read something about hyperdramatic art in the art of murder. and im actually fascinated with that kind of art. What it says is that human beings are the canvasses in paintings and they pose for umpteen hours a day in museum or galleries. They fall into some sort of meditative state until the maintenance people brings them back to life at the end of the day after the show is done.
i kept on wondering if this is possible since i cannot believe that people are capable of being that patient besides the biological fact of their muscles or whatever being able to take a particular and uncomfortable position for hours.
the canvasses (human beings) have to be "primed" before they are sent to the maestros or the painters. And i find the priming methods half sickening and half amazing because what they do to these human beings are they change the color of their eyes, not contact lenses, but they paint the eye balls and they remove all kinds of body hair; eyebrows, eyelashes etc. permanently. All other natural stains of the body are removed so that the color of the canvas would be even and ready for the maestro. The "primers" also drug the canvasses for them to be devoid of any human needs and so they won't be able to secrete hormones.
after tha painters create their masterpieces, these works of art are displayed in the museum and are sold to high bidders. Then these works of art continue being displayed for 8 hours a day in homes of rich businessmen and mafias. These businessmen pay for the masterpiece and they also pay for monthly rent to the works of art and to the painters so imagine how expensive these hyperdramatic art costs.
imagine these works of art as the ones in eastwood? those bronze men that move in a robotic fashion. but the difference is that these hyperdramatic works of art are "classier" and leans toward "culture"
im not yet finished with it but so far it really is a good book :) although gothic anne rice is still something.
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i see beautiful days with you
i feel beautiful ways of loving with you
you touched my heart so deeply
....
cheesy :D
but i love it. haha :D
current music: lips of an angel - hinder
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| Monday, September 25th, 2006
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9:01 pm
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ATENEO won! woohooo..! :D
you must admit ateneo and ust are a perfect match. kapag admu-dlsu kasi medyo tambak tayo. haha. :) pag ust, yung lamang won't be a 2 digit lead. oh well.. :)
good luck sa admu sa thursday! :D
the last time i watched uaap was last year (thanks mark) sa dlsu-admu game. pero it wasn't as much fun as it could have been probably if we were seated in upper a. haha :)
and i almost forgot enjoying a basketball game over text. kulang lang sa exclamation points pero pwede na.
:)
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a lot has been happening and im again semi confused. whatever it is. i hope things will straighten out soon. but what the hell :) it's one hell of a ride
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sana october na. ang stressful ng sem. :s sembreak na sana :s
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| Monday, July 3rd, 2006
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5:08 am - work, fencing and pda. all in one entry hear ye hear ye.
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tomorrow will be a different day from my routinous school-life since the start of the semester. tomorrow will be a different path from the ones ive taken or ive opted to take.
tomorrow i will be an employee. where you may ask? as much as id want to work in an ad agency or in big time networks (or small-time would do), in newspaper whatever, or maybe even online news whatever as "someone", id be working in the library. :) yes you read right. ( so please visit me if you have time) haha.
why? why? why? because i need it. i need a job. maybe it's pride that i don't want to ask my mom for money. or maybe i just want to help my mom and not bother her with my expenses. for all that it is, ill be working tomorrow.
i need to buy my fencing equipment and i really don't want to ask my mom for money since fencing is like "out of the deal". im just supposed to go to school, study, then go home. but i want to do something else and i feel responsible for providing myself with the things i "need" in giving way to my extra curricular. in short, i don't want my mom to fund the things i just "want".
anyway.... :) i hope id be able to juggle all of my activities. of course if i sense a great deal of sacrifice in my academics then id have to give one up.
soooo.. im sure ill be seeing a lot of you. haha. i keep wondering where most people have gone since the start of the semester because i don't see them around.
i'm sure ill be seeing you because for sure you'd be visiting the library =D if you don't pass by the places where im at. :)
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a few minutes 2 couples surrounded me in the ctc lab. there was a couple to my right and a couple right in front of me. there was only one chair for every computer but the guy in front of me insisted on pulling a vacant chair beside his girlfriend or whatever so they were sharing one computer. his face therefore is squished between the monitor and the cpu of my computer.
if i wasn't going out with anyone, id go puke in front of them. haha. just kidding. but man were they publicly displaying their affections.
the girl in front of me was pushing her mouse around while the guy stopped it by placing his hand above hers. and he was smiling and blushing ickily. (so you get the picture?)
the couple to my right had their hands entwined while the guy was surfing the net and the girl studying.
so there you see. if i had my tummy full and if i had enough sleep i would have let them do their business flirting with each other. but im not. so my eyebrow is raised and my eyeballs kept rolling in their sockets.
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couples should really be considerate with pda's because some people like me feel very uncomfortable stuck in this position. yes im stuck because i have nowhere else to go before my sundo arrives.
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oh yes another pda a while ago. there was this girl who was typing away in the computer lab when this guy approached her from behind and stooped down to kiss her face. i only see the top of the girl's head from where i am sitting. and i presume he kissed her forehead, lips, cheeks, face. his lips and her face were like positive and negative ends of the magnet. they were inseperable and in that awkward position.
whatever.
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i was stuck in a lover's row. and that is soooo uncomfortable especially that the ctc computer lab is a very public place with ateneans going in and out of the room every 5 minutes or so.
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anyway... my head is throbbing and i feel a migraine swimming all the way up to my forehead. sooo
final words. :) visit me at the library and make fun of me if you want to. and i wont have them lend you the book. hahah just kidding :)
but visit me =) im gonna get sick with the cold :)
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| Friday, June 30th, 2006
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11:23 pm - paghalukay sa nakaraan
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(pa-ensayo ako magsulat ng diretsong matinong filipino.)
natapos ko na ang lahat ng aking mga dapat gawin sa araw na ito kaya naman may libre akong oras para maghalukay ng aking nakaraan.
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dahil sa wala akong magawa at mahilig naman ako magtitingin ng mga larawan ng mga tao, napagdiskitahan kong tignan ang aking nagustuhan noong ako'y nasa mataas na paaralan ng miriam pa.
4 na taon kong nagustuhan ang taong yun sa di ko malamang rason. kung kayo ay naging kaklase ko sa miriam o di kaya'y kaibigan ko, kilala ninyo kung sino ang tinutukoy ko.
napansin ko lang habang tinitignan ko ang kanyang mga larawan sa friendster, parang tumataas ang aking mahahabang balahibo. kinikilabutan ata ako sa nakikita ko. ito ay hindi pangkaraniwan sa akin dahil naaalala ko noong nasa miriam pa ako, masulyapan ko lamang ang kanilang sasakyan eh nagwawala na ako.
ngayon, habang tinitignan ko, hindi ko lubos maisip kung ano ang nagustuhan ko sa taong iyon. bukod sa mas maliit siya sa akin eh binabastos pa ako. (teka, hindi ganoong bastos na iniisip ninyo. kundi yung bastos na kayang kaya niyang paliitin ang aking pagkatao) ipinahiya niya ko sa kaibigan nya at kung anu-ano pa na nakasakit sa akin. pinasama niya ang loob ko ng sobra kaya naman ito rin ang dahilan ng mga sumusulpot sulpot na "quotes" etc.
Ito rin ang nag-udyok sa akin na magpapayat at kung anu-ano pang kabalastugan na ginagawa ng mga kababaihan upang mapansin lang sila ng kanilang nagustuhan. at para sa akin naman bukod pa roon ay, para kainin rin niya ang mga sinabi niyang panlalait at kung anu-ano pa.
ayun lang.
teka nahihirapan na ata ako. (inhale, exhale)
anyway...............
buti nalang at tapos na ang mga pahinang iyon ng buhay ko.
sa huli naman nakuha ko rin naman ang gusto ko. ang makapaghiganti. (muwahaha) hindi, biro lang.
gusto ko lang malaman nya na tao rin ako na may puso't damdamin and all that crap.
at mukang naisip naman niya ata iyon? dahil may panahon sa buhay ko pero matagal na to ha, na nabigyan rin ako ng halaga.
i thank you. bow.
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| Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
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8:50 pm
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yesterday was extremely tiring....
i read somewhere that teenagers are very bold and they really push the limits or at least try to reach it and see if they can get away with it. i felt very teeny.(haha) yesterday. but it wasn't that fun and liberal type wherein you dance naked in the rain.
much to my disappointment and i know to yours as well, i tried to reach the limit of going to school very late when the regcom gave reasonable time to get the regforms.
we were supposed to get our regforms between 8 and 12 and I...
left my cousin's house at 11. it was a short distance to school as compared to traveling from fairview and it should only take 10 mins to get there. BUT ................
yesterday i had to commute and the road was being fixed therefore, traffic was heavy. i was stuck in the same place for about 15 mins and could i just mention that it was nearly 12 and i was almost soaked in my sweat. yuck i know.
anyway.... when i finally got to up and took a ride there going to katipunan, i thought the sweat and the traffic was over. And boy was i wrong.
i almost jumped off the jeep as it kept a slightly moving pace towards the overpass to drop me off.
i planned to take the tricylce going to admu but the traffic reaally was horrible! so i had to walk from the overpass to the cov courts under the scorching heat of the sun and sweat dripping down my front and my back literally!
i saw my friend jez and i asked him to accompany me to the covcourts. oh yeah.. i still had to go to comdept. and had to go back to the entrance of the covcourts.
GUESS WHAT!? i made it. :) i got to the cov courts at 11:50 or around that time.
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after that,jez introduced me to lionel? lionel lopez-dee who used to be a nameless face and we (jez and i) went with him to the guidon room. i finally had the chance to fan myself like crazy and wipe the sweat off my forehead, chest etc etc.
après,
i went to meet up with miriam friends. i was waiting for the time for early reg. i could have gone home but nooo... i wanted to register early and get the teachers i want. so i waited till 2 pm
i was walking happily (yes i almost skipped) towards ctc 112 and i was even early since i was excited to register early.
but...........
but there was this technical problem.
the head of the athletics dept forgot to encode my id number and i wasnt in the list for early reg @Q@$#Q@#$QK"WEE.
they instructed me to go back to.. guess where!? the athletics dept near the covcourts!!
so for the 2nd time that day, i walked to the covcourts, alone that time.
and.. when i got there, nina a senior fencer told me to check again in ctc and ask for sir.. jon?
haha..
sooo.. i walked back to ctc and saw tin.. me reeking with smoke because of my heavy smoker miriam friends.
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in the end, i wasn't able to register because they can't do anything about their mistake. they can't encode my id number because it would ruin the whole system or something like that.
sir jon told me that even chris tiu couldn't register because his id number wasn't encoded.
i told him boldly, (yes, i felt very brave and demanding because of the hassle i went through) "chris tiu?! sus.. don't you know me? im gianina! from fairview" hahaha.. :-p
i was joking around with sir jon but i really was disappointed, tired, and everything else that i felt an invisible hand clap my back for still being able to joke.
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oh weell... so that day stirred happiness and glumness within me. very much like prime's confused username.
hi prime.
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| Monday, June 5th, 2006
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10:00 pm - logcom! grrrr =P
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yesterday i received a text message from my friend and until now im still confused about what he said. when i checked my email, i saw that he relayed the exact message and i can't believe i got in when i really didn't try hard for it. tomorrow i get to confirm it if it's true. hahah :D
i still can't believe up to now.. oh well..
if it is, im not sure if i can do it if i plan to be active in other orgs. id have to juggle them all.
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last weekend i was with a1 people in the logistics training and it made me realize how much ive missed them. and in the coming semester i might not be with them in most of the classes.
as for the logistics training i think that it's pretty useless attending it because the things they said could just be posted online. as andrew said, everything could be squeezed in one day but because of the group dynamics, it extended to 2 days and 2 whole days at that.
it was group dynamics all day and im really not into gd's . haha :p im kj i know. anyway.. i think it would be more effective if they were straight to the point.. i really dont know what the purpose of the gd is in relation to the orsem. for the Tnt's, i think the gd's are necessary to keep up their spirits and to train them to be enthusiastic ? haha. anyway gd's have a purpose there but in logcom.. im not sure that it served a purpose.
there was a part they called "situationers" or something like that. and volunteers from each group would act out a certain situation wherein for example, a freshie gets into a fight and then they will act out what to do if ever that situation arises.
they had 10 situations and i was awake for the first 5. as for the remaining, i was half asleep.
to sum up the situationers thing, all we secmob volunteers have to do is to just "sumbong" to the com post, or comm volunteer if ANY situation arises. that's it! and we spent like 1 and a half - 2 hours just for that part.
maybe it was effective for others? i dont know. but really, the orsem facilitators had to pick out who would act what because no one would volunteer.
im just saying this because i could have spent my weekend another way. haha. honestly if it weren't for the block i wouldn't have gone the 2nd day or i would have gone home after meeting the tnt's.
i know the core group worked hard for that event but i wish they could have made it more effective in the sense that they tell the people straight to the point what has to be done etc. and not like sugarcoat it and present the situation in a less serious mode than it's supposed to be.
oh welll....
it seems like having fun is their priority instead of getting down to business. ?
hahaha.. i sound like a killjoy :p
but seriously, there's time for having fun and there's also time for being serious and getting the job done in an effective way.
most people wouldn't want to get stuck in school the whole day. (like me) and just play games! HMPF..
haha :p
oh well :) im just ranting about last weekend to get the tension off my chest. hahahah just kidding :D
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| Thursday, May 18th, 2006
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12:25 am
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i feel so drained these past few days ironically since i have been doing nothing.
the highlight of this summer would probably be my trip to cebu and bohol right after classes ended. and after that trip i have been resting my back on the crumpled sheets of my sister's bed.
she's not as around as she used to be and i get to occupy her room during the day since it is much more comfortable watching television there.
i dont have my own room by the way, and for all of you who do not know, ive been sleeping beside my mother for almost 19 years now. haha :P
so imagine the difficulty of not having my privacy. my mother would know instantly if i had a fight with whoever coz she would hear sniffles during the night. or if not that, she'd wake to see my eyes bloodshot. and then she would probe me on what happened etc etc.
anyway... that wasn't what i was supposed to type but oh well. so about this drain thing, i feel more tired than when i was in school and you know how my typical day would go? id wake up at around 8 am coz of the body clock, if i was lucky and would want to entangle myself with the pillows and sheets, id wake up at 11 am.
id wake up and stuff my mouth with whatever i see on the table and then eat glutinously in front of the television until i feel my head getting heavy again. and thennn.. i would sleep. yes i would sleep again.
then if i wasn't too tired or hung over from my sleep id drag myself off the bed and go to church. there are these kids there whom my friend aldrin and i teach catechism to.
last year there were about 80 kids and only 2 of us instructed them. imagine what riot that brought.
their ages range from 1 year olds (yes a year old babies carried by their ate's) to 14 year olds. and can i just stress again that there are only 2 of us to handle those kids.
talk about understaffed.
i remember the tutorial or the program in theology wherein we taught kids in u.p. and each grade level, there were at least 2 teachers with about 20 + students.
while us....
hay...
it's just frustrating that the youth in the church could not volunteer for this.
and we need lots of volunteers.
it's also frustrating that i am always reminded that there are only two of us and sometimes i could not go.
moving on, that would be the highlight of my day ( if i wasn't too hung over that is.. )the kids here aren't like the ones in u.p. by the way.. some of them are 14 year olds who stopped studying after graduating from the 4th grade. and this is just one of the cases there.
when i get home, id do chores at home until my mom gets home and we'd watch the primetime bidas together or catch the news if she comes home earlier. (can you count the times "home" appeared in the previous sentence, thank you)
then when "sa piling mo" airs, id be glued to the tube until 11 pm since i watch wonderful life as well.
thennnnnnnnn....
id talk to.. ahem ahem. haha :D
until we both get sleepy. or until i do. (most of the time) (( should i be proud of that ? ))
anyway.. that would last up to about 1 am then id fall asleep again as soon as my head hits the pillow.
then the next day it would be the same again if the trainings would be held in ultra and not the blue eagle gym.
right now im complaining to rj that i feel so stressed about trying hard to catch a wink a while ago before going to the church.
it's so silly that i get stressed about not being able to sleep.
argh. haha..
look at me complaining about senseless things.
hay..
with my "schedule" this summer, i have no idea how id survive journ classes next sem.
may course ba na education sa admu?
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| Monday, March 6th, 2006
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7:02 pm - happy birthday to you.... happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuu :)
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Belated HAPPY BIrthday rj :) >> march 03, .... sige secret na lang yung year para kunwari ka-age mo pa kami. :)
haha just kidding. :)
saya talaga ng friday. thank you thank you thank you and and and..... haha. (text ko nalang sayo):P
i wish you good health, spontaneous adventures, endless humor and moreeeee success in life. i believe you'll go far. b.b., m.c. and l.m. thinks so too. :)
belated happy birthday again and talk to you soon :)
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| Monday, January 30th, 2006
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3:30 pm - and when lizards fall..
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I really hate lizards for all that they are! for their slimy-ness! for their coldness! for their spotted uneven skin! for their growing tails! :s and most of all for crawling under my pants! :s
imagine me sitting in manangs resigned from walking on cement, and dragging my leg since the strap of my slipper got busted, when a cold thing suddenly brushed past my foot. i thought it was one of those maya birds since they were close by busily harassing each other. (well i wanted to think it was a maya bird) i even wanted to tell of the feeling of touching a maya bird since ive never touched one or any bird for that matter;it wasn't the soft feathery feeling that i have always imagined when looking at them instead, it was cold and wet and had that spine-tingling feeling.
i was actually disappointed that it felt like that since my perception of that species was dreamy-like in all its glory of liberating wings and in all its comfort of warm and cotton-like cloak.
so there i was with my head propped up against my bulky damp bag, watching the flock depart. when suddenly i felt that familiar cold thing sweep past my knee. i looked at the empty space in the floor cement and wondered how a maya could have fleeted up my knee and be gone in an instant, and how could it have stayed with its family raising higher to the clouds.
then i realized the zero possibility of it all and started to panic by feeling the outside of my pants hoping and not hoping to find something causing that uncomfortable feeling of coldness and panic fused together.
i felt a strange lump at slit of my side lower leg and lower thigh then i started to shake my leg violently off my joints to no avail. i stomped my leg once, twice, flexed it and kicked the table stand hearing the bumps and rattles of condiment-containers and still there was nothing that dropped. i was even tempted to stick my hand up my pants to pull whatever it is but i just held on to the sides of the table for fear.
yes. just for fear.
it was the most agonizing experience and there was no one to help me out. all were chatting, smiling, eating and doing their own thing unaware of the panic and dread building up on the person with the bulky damp bag, and the torn strap of the thong slippers.
i was screaming and yelping inside and if my teeth were razor sharp,my lips could have bled in its dry and cracked puffiness.
i once again tried to feel the outside of my pants and felt a lump between the slit of my inner thigh and lower leg, i then kicked with all my anger and frustration and desperation, when the lizard fell and dropped to the welcoming vastness of cold cement. i gave out a timid yelp and slumped back in victory and disgust. It passed by my other foot on the way to the other table to victimize another student and i shook it off vehemently in utter disbelief of the nerve to have its brain shattered and drowned in its fluid in the violence of shaking.
this incident heightened my fear and disgust towards that reptile and it made me think of my powerlessness over a small thing unable to inflict pain upon me besides the agony i've terribly experienced a moment ago.
the mental agony was excruciating and painstakingly absurd that i just want to laugh this thing to bed.
okay im exaggerating but you get the picture.
ive watched them crawl and play in the walls of our house, ive even watched them do their thing, slap their long slimy tails against walls while doing that click-of-tongue sound, eat mosquitoes,and leave their eggs on dark corners.heck i know their every activity! ive seen them die and rot under the drainer of our bathroom floor and most especially ive observed their lineage. ive seen the "sons" of the "sons" of the "daughters" of the first "son" of the first father and this doesn't draw me any closer to them as you can see.
if only i could bang our wall and their whole species would die in an instant. id honestly gladly welcome the day lizards fall and id sweep them patiently
off the floor.
*insert fur elise instrumental*
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| Sunday, January 29th, 2006
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7:55 pm - :)
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im happy.. :)
not that elated or euphoric feeling which keeps you squirming in your seat but that peaceful happiness wherein you sleep and wake-up with the same smile. :)
current mood:  happy
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| Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
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8:01 am - no classes i declare
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waw.. this is actually my first time to stay home from school since college life started.
and it's a good thing too coz im actually having uhm. diarrhea. haha. anyway.. trivia: i get diarrhea at least once a year since high school.
soo.. there.. i wasn't feeling well yesterday, it was nausea, cough, colds, body pains combined and now.. to top it all off, the finale!.. diarrhea.. :)
im missing sociology and french today and a meeting with sci10 group mates and i actually feel bad not that im missing those classes but that im leaving work to my group mates. i really hate to "social loaf", it makes me feel very irresponsible and unworthy. not that i am of course but i try to be worthy :)plus we're having our consultation tomorrow so i realllly have to catch up else i'd be dumbfounded with ms. rojas' questions.
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there's something i want to say but can't say because it will cause trouble not only to me but to the other party as well.
i saw something a while ago and it sparked some confusion in me and and.. well.. confrontation is the least thing i would want to happen.
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speaking of confrontations, ahem.. i think that some people should just learn to keep quiet... :)
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im listening to claire marlow's 'till they take my heart away.. (it's part of the playlist so sue me. ) haha just kidding. it's a nice song honestly :)
i just remembered my high school classmate jamie lagrisola :D hehe. hi jame if ever you get to read this.. :)
she really has a nice voice and that song really screams jame. *sigh*
i suddenly had a flashback of choral practices in high school. i used to sing soprano 1 btw. haha. :P
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belated happy birthday jena! :)
i miss reunions. i cant drink that much anymore though coz according to a jesuit priest (yes i asked a jesuit priest during our theology recollection) smoking and drinking lavishly is a sin. :P he says that it's okay to drink and smoke as long as it is in a small amount.. (hmm...)
it's not that im feeling righteous or anything.. but i should avoid that right? because not only could i sin but it could pop my brain cells and i need every bit of it.
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can i just mention that im in love with the words of a jesuit priest? haha. fr. guido arguelles is the best.. :)
everything that he says is brimming with wisdom and wit and and.. man.. that priest really is something.
id surely remember him forever.. :)
no write up would be enough to grasp the passion which he has spoken of.
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it's 8:40 a.m. now and i guess i better get started with the task due for tomorrow. :)
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| Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
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6:18 pm - sci10 rarrrr
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i am so stuck with this sci10 reflection paper.. it's so difficult to be honest and try to get a good grade at the same time especially when it comes to caring for the environment.
i mean honestly.. would you really think on a typical day that this certain technology could emit something cancerous or be a cause of other diseases and even be hazardous to our future?
we tend to appeal to what we need now as in this moment than think of what this will do to us in the long run. There's this saying about living day by day. live each moment.. and other quotes of that kind. and how may i ask could i live day by day if i worry on how this would affect me in the future? what's life if it is to be wasted on judging whether the positive effects of a certain technology would account and answer to the negative effects it could bring at the same time?
it's so confusing.. but then again there's this thing about living responsibly. living not only for yourself but for the welfare of others.
There's another notion for the term "need" wherein we say we need something because it is there and we have a lustful desire to acquire it.
living for our "need" primarily is so selfish if you think of it because somehow living for that denies others the access to the comfort we could obtain by fulfilling that.
i dunnoo.. im just so confused and so stuck.
plus im in a rush to finish this and start with my journ paper and read on biological weapons. rarrr... my group's outline on biological weapons is due this wednesday and we're having our consultation on friday. i have to start up on this because it really is aching to slack off and be that social loafer *psych!*(also known as the group's nuisance. :P)
going back to sci10..
why does mam have to make sci10 difficult anyways :s henny's class doesn't get this. it's less burden for them but well..i have to look on the brighter side.
it's practice for us plus it's additional knowledge. not to mention a venue for blooming insights. right? :P
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ok im feeling better now. :P
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